Uncoupled: How we separated sex from responsibility.
Let’s talk about sex, baby. Salt ‘N’ Pepa made the phrase famous with their hit song on the topic but there’s more in that phrase than perhaps many realise. Baby may be a term of affection for partners or romantic interests but the first meaning of that word is just what you’d think, a small human being. If we read it in this way, the phrase changes meaning completely and is a profound statement about what sex is and what it means for everyone, including those conceived through it. Let’s talk about sex, because it includes the very real possibility of a baby. Maybe not as catchy.
Our sex-obsessed culture only concentrates on the pleasures involved with sex, and one result of this is its complete devaluation through huge swathes of society. The status of human sexuality with all its power has tumbled from the positions of Sacred, Marital, Life Giving, Heterosexual and Monogamous to a shallower and colder existence focused on instant gratification and the fantasy world.
It’s hardly surprising then that as sex has been devalued, there has been a similar devaluation of ourselves as human beings, and our views on the sacred, on marriage, on contraception, on exclusivity etc. have tumbled with it. Whether it was sex or our views in general that tumbled first is a discussion for another day, but the correlation is undeniable. What is clear, is that babies conceived in a situation where the parents saw sex as a sacred act, within the commitment of marriage and with the knowledge that a child could be conceived, are far less likely to be aborted.
The whole construct of marriage is relational, both for the spouses to each other, but also to their children, even before they are conceived. When we marry, we are building a beautiful fortress to protect and our children and spouses and strengthen our society. Of course, not all marriages are successful, or create a healthy environment for raising children but the idea that sex is a wonderful responsibility, family focused and not an end in and of itself is interesting and hugely counter cultural.
This is a major part of the struggle against abortion. When we hear the “my body my choice” refrain they are not only disregarding the baby or potential baby, but they are also talking about themselves in the sense they do not want there to be a broader view on sex as a society. That it’s completely okay in all scenarios for consenting adults to do what they want. The Church certainly has no right to an opinion and their body is to use for whatever sexual activity they choose. They have uncoupled sex from conception in a similar way society likes to uncouple the fruits of Christian civilisation from the roots of it.
For people who think in this way, sex is the end goal unless they are looking to conceive. I wonder how many have chanted those words before they decide they want a child then they jump back to thinking about babies in the same sentence as sex. If they discover that for whatever reason, they find it difficult to conceive, then what? Suddenly, they realise a baby is not a right to choose or not. They may realise the truth that a baby is a gift, blessing and a responsibility. In exactly the same way that sex is a gift and a blessing and a responsibility. We can take this concept and expand it to marriage; this too is a gift full of blessings and responsibility. The three go together and we ought not separate them out.
Of course some marriages are unsuccessful, or unhealthy and not good environments for raising children but if we view sex correctly, so many other things fall into place. If we use people, they become disposable, more so the ones we have complete power over. Like babies. If we view adults as disposable and sex as a pastime, it’s little wonder we view babies the same way.
The Salt ‘N’ Pepa song talks throughout about an attractive and promiscuous woman, doing things she chooses with her body with men who can’t resist her but in the end nobody is talking about sex. It ends with;
“she had it all in the bag so should have been glad, but she was mad and sad and feelin bad, thinkin’ about the things she never had. No love, just sex…”
Daniel
March for Life UK
Content Creator
